Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Yet!

"Ed better not f-ing disappoint me!" commented a circumspect yet madly in love Jillian on the fifth installment of "The Bachelorette." On a previous overnight date, Ed presumably was unable to come up with the goods, leaving Jillian waiting for her next suitor.

Jillian had a last chance to make out with both Ed and Kyptyn before making a final decision. Ed and Jillian share some steamy time in a helicopter before a romantic rain forest picnic where a curious slab of beef is set before Ed. Maybe a joke by some production assistants? "Where's the beef?" Ed and Jillian frolic in the surf and Ed meekly asks Jillian if she would "like to come back to his place." Usually this question ensues when a man ponies up the cost of a few cocktails, but whatever. The couple ends up in a hotel room. Volcanoes erupt. Coincidence? Jillian will always hold this over Ed's head, no pun intended.

Ed and Kryptyn both meet with Neil Lane, famed jewelry designer, to select a ring should they receive a final rose. We get to see Kryptyn and his buff bod and amazing six-pack, clad at various times in either board shorts or a white towel. Maybe it is all in the editing, but I could swear I heard Jillian wax about her hot chemistry with Kryptyn. Shortly thereafter, she declared undying love for Ed. But not before Reid showed up in a rumpled 80s style suit and white sneakers. Maybe he planned on making a run for it should he be turned down?

If I am not mistaken, this is not the first time a spurned contestant "talked his way" into coming back on the show. Come on, are we supposed to believe he phoned from home. "Hey, Mike, listen. I am really in love with this girl. PLEASE, let me come back?" "Well, OK. Just for a few minutes while we wait for Ed. But, you don't get a limo! And you will have to use your own miles to get a ticket!" I vaguely remember a former contestant flying all the way to some remote location in Italy. Imagine the surprise when the bachelor opened the door!

Reid's "surprise" visit threw Jillian for a loop. "Let's take five so I can reevaluate whom I want to spend the rest of my life with..." Or at least the few weeks before the finale aired.

Guess we'll have to wait till "After the Final Rose" to see if Ed and Jillian are still together. Does Ed have a girlfriend back in Chicago? Did Ed disappoint Jillian on more than one occasion? Who will be the next Bachelor?

In the meantime, we can watch "Dating in the Dark," and "More to Love."

Sarah Palin, Mary Kay Consultant?

Yesterday marked Sarah Palin's final day as Alaskan governor, an event recognized by three down home picnics in her home state. Her highest profile speech took place at a closed "Alaskaland" park complete with recreated frontier Main Street mindful of Disneyland and a choo-choo. In her farewell speech, she blasted "delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets", "partisan operatives," and a group which “seem to just be hell-bent on maybe tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism and suggesting American apologetics.”

“Some still are choosing not to hear why I’m charting a new course to advance this state,” she spoke, “it should be so obvious to you.”

“It is because I love Alaska this much, sir, that I feel that it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical, politics-as-usual, lame-duck session in one’s last year in office.”

When asked about Sarah's future plans, an elusive First Dude commented they would "play it by ear" while Sarah herself commented, "Let's just enjoy the ride." Her spokesperson Meghan Stapleton says there's no plan after July 26. (Aside from the reported $7 million book deal with HarperCollins, I presume.)

Since Ms. Palin seems to be at a crossroads, I took a few online career inventory quizzes on her behalf and came up with the following suggestions:

1. Food Service: At her farewell picnic, Palin spent hours serving up hot dogs. Coupled with her interest in hunting and fishing for food, this seems to be an ideal career path. "Mooseburgers, anyone?"

2. Outward Bound Instructor: Ms. Palin's dedication to the wilderness and survival skills would make her an ideal Outward Bound instructor. Unfortunately, the closest program is in Mazama, Washington but that shouldn't be a problem.

3. Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant: Since 1963, Mary Kay Ash has been creating opportunities for women to become whatever they want to be. All that, plus discounts on eye shadow and a cool pink car!

4. Hunting and Fishing Reporter: Many of you might not know that Sarah Palin has a B.S. in Communications and a background in sports reporting. Coupled with her interest in guns, hunting, and fishing, she would be an ideal candidate as a reporter for Guns & Ammo or Game & Fish Magazines!

5. Abstinence Teacher: As an opponent of explicit sex education programs, Ms. Palin favors abstinence education with a passing mention to contraception. In her grading period, Ms. Palin could also teach the Creationism unit for the science class and coach the girls' basketball team!


Of course, she could always go back to being a Hockey Mom! You Betcha!

Bill Gates: Too Many Friends?

I just read on Yahoo News that Bill Gates is quitting Facebook because he has "too many friends." Now, I have never met Mr. Gates but I am going out on a limb that he may not have been Mr. Popularity in high school. Not that it matters. Most people go through their lives somewhere on the continuum between confident and completely insecure. We want to be liked. Heck, even Sally Field addressed an audience of celebs when she won an Oscar. "They like me!"

Maybe Mr. Gates has so much money and has achieved so much success that he is out of the game. I have always thought life tends to resemble the high school cafeteria. Bill Gates may be the guy with the cool car who left campus during lunch!

Welcome to Jersey

Did you think Tony Soprano had the exclusive on bribery and corruption? Guess again. Hoboken and Seacaucus mayors, two NJ state assemblymen, five rabbis (thrown in for good measure) and a bunch of others were arrested today as part of a two-year FBI corruption and international money laundering investigation.

My home state of New Jersey may have a reputation for Mafia capital of the U.S.A. HBO's Sopranos cemented this distinction and buried it beneath the Meadowlands along with the remains of Jimmy Hoffa. However, Tony and gang have nothing on the real politicos and Kosher crew from the Jersey shore and points beyond.

Apparently, the whole mess began with bank fraud charges against a member of the Syrian Jewish community in Deal, New Jersey, a very tight group known to purchase million dollar homes with a suitcase of cash. Seems the guy turned federal informant, posing as a shady real estate developer, serving up bribes to government officials. Hey, I grew up in New Jersey. Some things never change.

The acting U.S. attorney in New Jersey commented, "For these defendants, corruption was a way of life."

This cast of characters is taken away in cuffs. Charged with money laundering and bribery. Decades ago, my mother witnessed our mayor being thrown into the back of a van. Convinced he was being kidnapped, she later found out he was under investigation for similar crimes. The politico connection doesn't surprise me. However, I am always a bit shocked to find a posse of Rabbis thrown into the mix.

Five rabbis, including the national leader of the Syrian Jewish community in the U.S. have been charged with laundering over $3 million. In a separate investigation, key rabbis from the tight knit and wealthy Syrian communities in New Jersey and Brooklyn were also charged with laundering tens of millions of dollars through their religious organizations for a fee.

One Brooklyn man, Levy Izhak Rosenbaum, was charged with conspiring to broker the sale of a human kidney for transplant for a $160,000 commission.

The arrests for public corruption and money laundering underscore "the pervasive nature of corruption in this state," Marra said.

While these scandals may further sully my home state's reputation, I see a new series for HBO.

Politics, Sex, and Knives

Yesterday was a surreal day for American politics. An SNL skit with the actual players. Satire cannot get better than this.

By now, unless you inhabit the moss-coated underneath of a rock, you have heard about The Governator's weird knife-wielding Twitter video. "I vant to thank all you creative Califow-nian's for your vunderful ideas to solve our state's budget crisis." Why not take advantage of Governor Schwartzenegger's celebrity status? Autograph some official state vehicles and sell to the highest bidder? I have seen this work on "Jay Leno." The presence of the knife perplexed even his aides and spokespeople. (I have heard that men waving about large phallus-like objects usually means one thing. But that may be hearsay.) Today, Aaron McLear, the Governator's press secretary commented Schwartzeneggar received the cutlery as a gift yesterday and simply picked it up from his desk, as one would a pen. Gives new meaning to the term "cutting the budget," I suppose. As a resident of the Golden State who has seen our already bottom of the barrel school funding decimated by the body builder/actor, I am not all that surprised. The slash and burn fix with the pledge not to increase our taxes. Perhaps I should Twitter my idea to the Governor. Why not sell the now famous knife on E-Bay?

Before I go on to Veep Biden's interesting quote, I need to remind you of an earlier quote by the Governor. In a 2006 taped conversation with advisers, Schwartzenegger described Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia, at the time the only Latina Republican in the Legislature. "She's either Puerto Rican, or the same thing as Cuban, I mean they are all very hot. They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it." What is it about middle aged male politicians and sexist (and racist!) comments, cigars, and the like?

On to Russia or points nearby. I wonder if Sarah Palin could wave to Vice Pres. Biden and Viktor Yushchenko from her front porch. Since her last official day as Alaska Governor is fast approaching on July 26, she will have plenty of time on her hand to Twitter comments about Russian and Ukranian diplomacy!

Yesterday, Vice President Biden (on a State visit in Kiev to show support for the Ukraine's NATO bid) chatted up old pal Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko. Overheard in a bar, where apparently the two leaders were tossing Coke's. (Raised eyebrow!) Yushchenko commented on Ukrainian churches. A few moments later, in response, Biden was overheard complimenting Yushchenko on another of his country's comely resources. "I cannot believe that a Frenchman visiting Kiev went back home and told his colleagues he discovered something and didn't say he discovered the most beautiful women in the world. That's my observation,” Biden declared. "It's certain you have so many beautiful women." Do you think this means The Donald will invite Biden to judge his Miss Universe pageant?

Is SNL really on hiatus?

For Fashionistas with Philanthropic Hearts

Self Portrait, Circa 1940s

New York born and bred artist Saul Lishinsky is one of a kind. Born in the Bronx in 1922, Lishinsky was a social activist and founder of the Bronx Community Mural Project. Lishinsky headed everyday people and children to produce murals in public spaces throughout the Greater New York area, in addition to creating an impressive body of work.

Lishinsky's aspiration for art was inspired by his cousin, WPA painter Abraham Lishinsky as well as a passion for Rembrandt and Cezanne. His first show was in New York's 44th Street Gallery in 1946. He had eight one-man shows throughout the 1960s, culminating with a final exhibit at Westbeth Gallery in 2006. Before retiring to The Harlem Nursing Home in 2008, his studio and seven decades of work were sold.

Sea NYC and Best of 19 have launched a charity tee shirt, featuring a detail of a draft Lishinsky sketched of the Empire State Building for the Bronx Community Mural Project. All proceeds of the sale of this white long-sleeved tee will benefit the Harlem Nursing Home in New York and Damenstift in Munich. The fashion forward tee, featured in the August edition of German Vogue, is currently available only in Europe. U.S. fashionistas with philanthropic hearts can purchase the shirt for $39 by contacting info@seanycdesign.com.

SEA NYC Design features a line of hand drawn designs for men and women and are available at upscale boutiques such as Lisa Kline in Los Angeles.

DATING IN THE DARK

Reality dating shows pop up more often than zits on a teenager's T-zone. Nevertheless, a new ABC show, Dating in the Dark, piqued my curiosity, at least enough to spend an hour watching the pilot. My first thought was, "Isn't all dating in the dark?" Do we ever really know our dates, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, even spouses? In one corner, Looks and Physical Attraction. In the other corner, Personality, Scent (?), Touch, Pure Chemistry. Let them duke it out and see who comes up the champ.

Not really.

What really happens is three guys, three girls spend a bunch of time in a wacky monstrosity of a house, complete with glass bricks, fun house colors, and an exterior of catwalks and white tubing, evocative of some late 80s apartment building in West Hollywood or Miami. The six singles meet in the dark and pair up, based on their initial reactions. "Relationship experts" of some type also pair the couples based on compatibility.

Alcohol flows. Conversation, flirting, touching and feeling ensue when the couples meet in the dark room. After an indeterminate amount of time, sketch artists draw portraits based on each single's perception of their "date." The men's perceptions were pretty much right on. One woman was clearly dreaming about commercial casting calls or her soap, maybe even one of the future "Bachelor's!"

Next step is the Big Reveal, probably first coined during Extreme Makeover, another summer reality show where a team of cosmetic surgeons, dentists, hair stylists, makeup artists, and others created a better version of what we had before. Kind of like "Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster." Well, at least better looking. I digress.

Each couple gets a chance to inspect his or her partner, spotlighted for a few minutes. The one being checked out doesn't get to see the other's reaction because he or she remains in the dark. This may have been my favorite part! One guy waxed on and on to his male counterparts about how "hot" his girl was. Shame the girl did not share his sentiments! The hippy chick with the frizzy hair, Granny glasses and poorly fitted dresses was blown away by the cute but insecure DJ from the U.K. She commented she never would have had the nerve to even approach a guy like him in real life. Departing the McMansion in a Bentley, arm in arm, smiling, they seemed like the couple "most likely to succeed."

It remains to be seen whether any couples of this show will end up in long term relationships. Of the fourteen seasons of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, only Trista and Ryan have wed. One plus to Dating in the Dark is the money saved on wardrobe, hair, and makeup. Perhaps they applied the savings to renting the Bentley!

Brian's Pyramid of Success (With Inspiration from Coach Wooden!)

My husband is the world's biggest UCLA fan. When cut, he bleeds true blue and gold. His dedication to UCLA is impressive and even awe-inspiring. To honor his love for the Bruins, I present Brian's Pyramid of Success, with more than a little help from Coach John Wooden!)

Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming. Coach John Wooden

In 1948, John Wooden created a Pyramid of Success, a diagram reflecting his personal values which has manifestations on and off the basketball court.



INDUSTRIOUSNESS: Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Do the legwork, homework, whatever it takes.

FRIENDSHIP: You make friends by being a friend. Put out positive vibes. Be friendly and caring. Follow the Golden Rule. Listen.

LOYALTY: Be trustworthy.

COOPERATION: Be more interested in finding the best way, not in having your way.

ENTHUSIASM: Make each day special.

SELF-CONTROL: Control yourself so others won't have to.

ALERTNESS: What you learn after you know it all is what counts. Keep learning.

INITIATIVE: Be quick but don't hurry. Tie your shoes. Put on your socks the John Wooden way to avoid blisters.


INTENTNESS: Slow and steady gets you ready.

CONDITION: Act, eat, and think right. Work out every day.

SKILL: Patience makes perfect. Try and try again.

TEAM SPIRIT: Be eager to help your team.

POISE: Just be yourself.

CONFIDENCE: You must believe in yourself if you expect others to believe in you.

COMPETITIVE GREATNESS

Coach Wooden's Pyramid may be composed of home-spun Midwest homilies but the ideas ring true today. I suppose it is no great coincidence that he led the Bruins to 88 consecutive wins. But his first fourteen years were not winning seasons. His intentness or determination is what made the difference.

For more information, visit www.coachwooden.com.

Kelly Times Two

Kelly Hildebrandt and Kelly Hildebrandt will wed in October. No, this is not a typo.

Female Kelly Hildebrandt of Coral Springs, Florida talks about searching in Facebook, "I searched my own name and he's the only one who came up and actually in the picture he didn't have a shirt on and I was like oh he's cute." Her future fiance flew from his home to Lubbock, Texas and the rest is history. Apparently, their shared has caused some confusion at the post office. At least if they won't need to change their monogrammed stationary or towels.

Most of us have Googled ourselves upon occasion or perhaps even checked to see if anyone on Facebook shared our names. I have never really considered the implications for single folks looking for a relationship. Could the desire to marry oneself be construed as narcissistic? Perhaps instead of e-Harmony or J-date, someone could come up with Ego-Harmony or Self-Date? Maybe the search for single people who shared names could be the subject of a new dating reality show? There's a new plus-sized dating show on Fox called "More to Love." Why not "Shared Name Love?"

This is the epitome of "meet cute" for the computer age! I could go on and on but I need to watch "The Bachelorette"!

Leisure World Prep, Season 1

Leisure World Prep chronicles the lives of a group of privileged senior citizens who are key players in an upscale retirement community. Retirees who travel in packs – whether it's on the shuffle board court or in a weekly Pan game, their lives intertwine as they discuss their athritis, shop for Viagra, drink prune juice, and boast about their grandchildren. Everyone's aging and everyone's complaining.

On the surface, it seems that these seniors live an enviable life. Over the course of the series, we'll see them in the clubhouse. Viewers will get to know their families (God forbid they should visit more than once a month!), their entourage (physical therapists, dermatologists, orthopaedists) and their guys/girls of the moment. But privilege has its price. Despite their carefree lives, the pressure of lofty expectations can sometimes be too much for even the most confident geezers.

Get to know the cast of Leisure World Prep here.

Shirley is a 75-year-old vixen who bounces between her Mah Johng group and the fast-paced, wealthy golfers. As it is for most Leisure World kids, the bar is set extraordinarily high for Shirley. Her Mah Johng group is an intense pressure cooker, yet she finds time to be an active member of her Jazzercize class and water aerobics team. Shirley has an active interest in CNN and has been known to dream about Larry King. There is something about his suspenders...

Sidney is known among his circle of friends as the guy who constantly hooks up with the hottest girls – either in the Clubhouse or at a local watering hole. As a native French speaker, girls swoon because he has his own hair and teeth. Sidney regularly hits up the town with wingman and best bud Morris. Sidney's hobbies, aside from girls, are golf, paddle tennis, and microbrewing. He is actively involved in charitable causes. Whether it's lounging poolside or checking out 40-something girls in bikinis, 76-year-old Sidney is sure to be surrounded by a sea of admirers.

ED is one of the most popular kids in the Leisure World prep scene. Attractive and wealthy, ED is a retired orthodontist. He loves sports and watches golf, tennis, and baseball. Like many Leisure World kids, this jaded 69-year-old grew up fast. For ED, money, women and retainers are all he's ever known. An early bird fiend, ED realizes that old age is right around the corner and he needs to make an impactful change to his partying lifestyle. His first step is to reconnect with his old friend Joyce. They have a long history – they've dated, been best friends and lost touch – and as they pick up where they left off, the drama unfolds.

While her kids spend much of their time in Calabasas, Gloria recently moved to Leisure World for retirement. A 66-year-old junior and the most recent import to the Leisure World social scene, Gloria's casita, which she shares with her older brother, often becomes a crash pad for friends – leaving one to wonder if the retirement community pressures will get to her. She loves exploring the area's various high-end restaurants with her friends and also manages her brother's shuffleboard team. Instead of following the party-hunting majority, Gloria chooses to focus on jumpstarting a food testing career for herself, working in Costco and local markets.

Joyce always gets what she wants. In Leisure World, this means chasing widowers who don't use a walker. She is always at the door with a Brisket or noodle kugel in hand. Always a leader among her friends, Joyce likes to throw parties for fun, as well as for good causes. As one of the members of the Welcome Wagon committee, Joyce showcases her public relations abilities as she works all angles of eligible men to solicit dates. In her limited free time, Joyce enjoys dancing, exploring vintage stores, and vacations with her family.

65-year old Charlotte focuses seriously on her studies of widowers and cooking. She's constantly on the lookout for a boyfriend, but no one seems to meet her impossibly high standards, despite the bevy of grey-haired suitors knocking on her door. Charlotte thrives on geriatric drama. Always armed with acid-tongued opinions and witty retorts, the elegant Charlotte loves to decompress by hitting the bottle or making one of her reknowned jello molds.


Don't miss Leisure World Prep, Tuesdays at 9 pm!

Happy Bastille Day!

To commemorate the storming of the Bastille, I would like to recognize some of the more endearing concepts of the French. As a lifelong Francophile, I adore everything that is French, some things that are "faux French" like french fries and French manicures! Voici, my tribute to les francais!

1. The French Paradox. Despite eating butter, cheese, and cream, the French remain more svelte and suffer less frequently from heart disease than Americans. Research suggests this is due to French consumption of red wine which contains low levels of resveratrol. Leave it to the American pharmaceutical companies to give us resveratrol in pill form.

2. French style. Parisians look chic, effortless, and always put together. French women wear well-fitting, classically cut clothing with a nod towards trends. The look is smart, timeless, and sophisticated. As in their diets, the French choose quality over quantity. Costco and The Claim Jumper are simply not French concepts.

3. Flirtation. The French love to flirt. Marriage is not synonymous with death. Conversations between sexes are filled with double entendres. For the French, flirtation is not the means to an end but an enjoyable past time. Vive la difference!

4. Joie de vivre. The French enjoy life. Workers take off an average of six weeks of vacation per year. Berthillon, a famous Parisian ice cream shop, is closed during August. Would Baskin-Robbins ever close for the month of July?

5. Boss-napping. According to a survey in Le Parisian, almost half of French people surveyed support locking up their bosses to ensure better lay-off terms. Workers at Sony, 3M and Caterpillar actually held their bosses for ransom.

So, go ahead. Enjoy a glass of Bourdeaux! Toast the spirit with a Kir Royale. Dig into that creme brulee but you had better not be wearing those frumpy sweats!

Things My Mother Taught Me

A few nights ago, I listened quietly as two friends spoke about how often they spent time with their mothers. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered my own mother who passed away in 2001. I have spent the past few days thinking about my mother and her influence. I may not be able to ask her for advice. We can't meet for lunch or an afternoon of shopping. We can no longer chat on the phone. I can't kiss her hello or goodbye, laugh or cry with her. Yet, she still lives within my heart and my soul. I am so fortunate she left us the gift of a set of Cd's she had recorded about her life. I am also left with memories of a wonderful relationship and the lessons she bequeathed me.

1. Always wear clean underwear (in case you are in an accident, God forbid.) As I revisit her advice, I have a strong visual of waiting to be dropped off by my nursery school carpool. My mother is standing on the curb while my baby brother napped inside the house. She is well coiffed in a sixties bubble cut, wearing mascara and a red and gold brocade sleeveless shell with matching capri's, probably a cute pair of flats. When we reminisce about my mother, someone always brings up her panache and effort to look put together. She was not one to leave the house in sweats, except when walking with her friends. Although I occasionally wear Lululemon yoga clothes to pick up my daughters from school, I try to follow suit. And I always wear clean underwear!

2. When you feel sorry for yourself, the best thing to do is help others. She often added, "Think of others who have it worse." It took me more than a few therapy sessions to release the guilt for negative emotions. Looking back, I am not sure my mother meant to avoid acknowledging feelings. Her focus was on helping others to add meaning to our lives. When my mother lost her father to congestive heart failure when he was 62, she decided to be trained as a hospice volunteer, in part to learn to deal with death. I admired her path to inner growth as well as her commitment to helping others. Volunteerism and philanthropy have always played a tremendous role in my life. I thank my parents as role models in their dedication to helping others.

3. Relationships cannot endure without chemistry and passion. Romantic relationships are difficult at best. My mom talked to me about how much she loved my father and she was able to look at his schtick and laugh because they had so much chemistry...the chemistry was the glue. I would extend this lesson to our close friendships. Think about your closest friends. Invariably, they are the people with the same level of passion for life and a shared chemistry, albeit in a non-sexual sense. We are attracted to some people, not so much to others. That magnetism is necessary for bonding.

4. Laughter is powerful. My mother never told me this. My childhood memories of Tuesday nights involve trying to get to sleep to the soundtrack of her bridge group's chortles, guffaws, and howling laughter. I used to wonder what was so funny. When I am with my father's side of the family, we spend a significant amount of time joking, doubled over in laughter. Ability to find humor in even the most trying of situations is a treasure. Laughter is the best medicine and a sense of humor is the most powerful tool of attraction!

5. Adversity is a gift. My mom was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer at the age of 55. She had just lost her mother to multiple myeloma, after nursing her for several months. Throughout her battle, she discussed with my aunt and the rest of us that she considered having cancer as a gift. It made her stronger and more confident. If she could face cancer head on, or any other dreaded disease, she could deal with anything. As I grew up, my mom often identified with being a worrier. She would consider calling the Wayne Police if I showed up half an hour late. She knew every alternative route, to avoid driving on the highway which was an anxiety-provoking experience for her. She refused to drive over bridges. Looking back, her resolve to avoid driving on Route 46 led her to different paths. She was strong and determined. She just didn't see it until the final years of her life.

Along with her recipe for brisket, the infamous Simon family apple pie, freckles, and dark hair, my mom imparted me with the values of beauty and passion, volunteerism and selflessness, laughter and courage.

I love you, Mommy!

My Cart is Full!

This morning, my 12 year old daughter with a penchant for fantasy shopping announced, "I cannot get into the Urban Outfitter website because my cart is full."

OK, I should be discouraging this rampant display of materialism. But, let's not even go there for now.

I choose to look at the bigger picture. We all have full carts, otherwise known as "baggage." At some point in our lives, our carts are probably even tipping. We need to be able to let go of the past and move on.

By the time we arrive at midlife, many of us contemplate how we got to this point. Analysts' offices are filled with patients reexamining the impact of our parents and our childhoods. To paraphrase Friends of Bill W., "Grant me the power to change the things I cannot accept and to accept the things I cannot change." We are powerless to erase the wrongs. We can only learn from our experiences and hope for a better takeaway. Go ahead and grieve, shed tears, punch a pillow or scream into the night. That is healthy. But at some point, we need to brush off our collective scraped knees, apply some antiseptic ointment, a band-aid, and continue on the hike.

Coincidentally, my i-Pod won't accept any new downloads because it, too, is "full." In order to add new songs, I need to re sync, eliminating songs no longer on my play lists.

Growth happens when we know when to "sync."

We Are The World

Michael Jackson is dead. The King of Pop. Best entertainer of our time. Father, son, brother, friend. Member of the Jackson Five. Eccentric white-gloved child/boy who once wanted to purchase the bones of the Elephant Man. Caricature who admitted to "sharing his bed" with children, albeit in a nonsexual sense.

As I perused Facebook in the days since Jackson's untimely death and in the days leading up to his memorial service, I have noticed a polarizing affect. Plenty of people complain about the excessive media coverage or are focused on his alleged pedophilia. The buck stops here. Others were touched by his musical greatness and his generosity. Maybe I am jaded because I have always been a fan of Jackson's music. He is arguably the greatest entertainer of our time. Watching early footage of Jackson Five on the Ed Sullivan Show, Michael is a stand-out. He became a musical icon throughout the 1980s. And he could dance!

I watched yesterday's Memorial Service, twice. As my daughters and I viewed the ceremony on CNN, I was impacted by the universal love for Jackson. Fans gathered at Staples Center, in the First AME Church, Times Square, London, Atlanta, Detroit. Michael was perhaps the first musical icon to transcend race, nationality, age. He broke down racial barriers. He was a superstar.

Millions of fans entered an online lottery to gain access to the memorial service. Some may have wanted to attend the event of the year. Some wanted to sell their wristbands on E-bay. I may be the eternal optimist. I believe most wanted to mourn a man and the end of an era with others.

Humans need to be with others, especially in times of tragedy. This need to connect is exemplified by school spirit, fraternities, even religious services. We need to feel part of something greater than ourselves. As I witnessed people laugh, cry, sing along, and dance, I was aware of Michael Jackson's gift for bringing people together.

We all had tears in our eyes when Paris Katherine Jackson's acknowledged her father. "Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine, and I just wanted to say I love him... so much." Jermaine, Marlon, Brooke Shields, Magic Johnson and others all recounted personal moments with Jackson. Larger than life photos of Michael in his Jackson Five and presurgery days provided a backdrop. His humanity was redeemed. Relating to his incarnation as "Is he a man or a woman? What happened to his skin? Why is he dangling his baby out of a window? Why did he even call his son Blanket?" was difficult at best.

Michael Jackson is a legend. He changed the face of music, of videos. He donated more to charity than any other popstar in history. Perhaps now we can put aside our differences in opinion and appreciate his huge talent.

We are the world.

Everything I Really Need to Know I Learned by Watching John Hughes Films

Back in July, I wrote a blog post about John Hughes and his contribution to our generation. Yesterday, Mr. Hughes sadly passed away from a heart attack while walking in New York. We were blessed to have his opus of work and his artistic contribution. He will live on. But, like many great talents, he died too soon. Mr. Hughes spent the latter part of his life in relative seclusion. Perhaps he felt he could not top his earlier hits of the 80s and 90s. We will never know. We do know that Hughes saw teens as young adults with all the insecurities, emotions, and feelings of their elders.
In a 1992 interview, Hughes said he "stumbled into teen films" because he had figured the younger the actor, the less likely he would question his abilities. Mr. Hughes truly changed the landscape of the teen genre, for better or worse. Countless films and television shows from "Beverly Hills 90210" to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Gossip Girl" owe so much to Mr. Hughes' vision of teens as real people, just younger.

Rest in peace, John Hughes. You will remain forever young.


This summer, I have decided to introduce my twelve year old daughter Emily to the intricacies and plot lines of John Hughes' films, beginning with 16 Candles, Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink. I remember seeing these films over and over again, in the theater, on cable, on video. I know complete lines of dialogue and own every soundtrack. I had already passed my high school years by the release date of these films. Nevertheless, I found inspiration in Hughes' portrayal of teen angst and the universal themes of being accepted and finding love.

16 Candles (1984)

Samantha Baker, the kind of girl who travels through high school without much notice. She has friends but isn't really part of a clique. She has a crush on Jake Ryan, a wealthy Matt Dillon lookalike who would have had legions of girls sighing and fantasizing. He is tired of his prom queen girlfriend whom he could "violate ten different ways." (Nice sensitivity!) When her family forgets her sixteenth birthday because of the hoopla surrounding her sister's wedding and the tumult brought be Long Dok Dong, a Chinese exchange student staying with her grandparents, guess who saves the day?

My takeaway? In a crisis, let's hope an insufferably cute guy shows up in a red Porsche to whisk us away. (Not really.)

Flash ahead maybe ten or fifteen years and Samantha is in therapy to resolve her family's lack of attention. Conflict resolution doesn't happen when a cute guy picks you up in his upscale auto.

As I watch this film as an adult, I have a different view. I wouldn't have rooted for the crush who laughs off date rape and encourages a 14 or 15-year old to drive his former girlfriend around in his father's Rolls. I think maybe Samantha should have ended up with Farmer Ted who might have become a successful entrepreneur. He did manage to get Samantha to give her panties to a "noble cause." In looking back, the popular sexy guy is the obvious choice. The more interesting, intelligent guy is the better option.


The Breakfast Club (1885)

This film details a Saturday detention for five Detmer High School students who represent each stock clique. One of the students writes:

Brian Johnson: Saturday, March 24,1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.

In essence, The Breakfast Club is about the roles we hide behind when we are unsure of ourselves. John Hughes examined this phenomenon in a high school setting. We continue to hide behind our adopted roles throughout our lives. Hopefully, we become secure enough as we age to lose the masquerades or the desperate need to fall in with a self-identifying clique. In the imaginary high school created by John Hughes, teens blur the distinct lines between their cliques, at least for a Saturday in March or an occasional date. As Andrew, portrayed by Emilio Estevez, notes, "We're all pretty bizarre - some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all." Life's shared experiences, marriage, parenting, losing a mother or father, divorce, careers, are all equalizers. We are not so different, after all.

Pretty in Pink (1986)

Named after the Psychedelic Furs single which plays heavily in the soundtrack, Pretty in Pink was basically Romeo and Juliet with peers. Second hand fashion queen Andie falls for Blane McDonough, the self-described "crown prince of McDonough Electrics," despite protests by his and her respective friends. How dare they cross the line and test how they are defined? Blane is a "richie." Andie lives on the wrong side of the tracks. Andie's best friend Duckie has a thing for her. "May I admire you?" he so suavely declares.

When I watch this film today, I find myself rooting for Duckie. He's an original with a sense of humor and unique style. Maybe in the 1980s, we were blinded by the BMW and linen sports jacket? The movie originally ended with Andie and Duckie falling in love, dancing to Bowie's Heroes. The film was re-cut to end with Blane showing up at the prom, unescorted, with his posse, despite telling Andie he had forgotten about an earlier promised date. Duckie says, "This is an incredibly romantic moment. Don't ruin it for me....He's not like the others." Blane aka Andrew McCarthy, looks tortured, rolls his eyes, puffs out his lips. The two share a kiss by his BMW.

On a personal note, I would have thought even Steff (James Spader) would have been a more interesting choice for Andie. At least he had an edge, a cool haircut, and a Duran Duran style white linen suit.

A side story involves Iona, Andie's adult friend who runs the record store where she works. Like Andie, Iona sells out for the Yuppie pet shop owner, Terence. (Do I detect a trend here?) Iona was a character, with her Chinatown apartment and wig collection. Did she really need to end up in the Chicago suburbs with 2.2 kids and a Volvo?

My takeaway from Pretty in Pink relates more to John Hughes original ending than the Paramount's marketing department push for the "happy ending." Stay true to yourself. I will admit applauding back in '86 when Andie ended up with Blane. Maybe we all had this high school fantasy of crossing the clique line. Today, I see Duckie as a great guy, compassionate with a wonderful sense of humor, a quality Blane was sorely lacking. Besides, Jon Cryer currently stars on a hit CBS sitcom while Andrew McCarthy is lucky to have a role on a cancelled mid-season replacement!