Yesterday marked Sarah Palin's final day as Alaskan governor, an event recognized by three down home picnics in her home state. Her highest profile speech took place at a closed "Alaskaland" park complete with recreated frontier Main Street mindful of Disneyland and a choo-choo. In her farewell speech, she blasted "delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets", "partisan operatives," and a group which “seem to just be hell-bent on maybe tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism and suggesting American apologetics.”
“Some still are choosing not to hear why I’m charting a new course to advance this state,” she spoke, “it should be so obvious to you.”
“It is because I love Alaska this much, sir, that I feel that it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical, politics-as-usual, lame-duck session in one’s last year in office.”
When asked about Sarah's future plans, an elusive First Dude commented they would "play it by ear" while Sarah herself commented, "Let's just enjoy the ride." Her spokesperson Meghan Stapleton says there's no plan after July 26. (Aside from the reported $7 million book deal with HarperCollins, I presume.)
Since Ms. Palin seems to be at a crossroads, I took a few online career inventory quizzes on her behalf and came up with the following suggestions:
1. Food Service: At her farewell picnic, Palin spent hours serving up hot dogs. Coupled with her interest in hunting and fishing for food, this seems to be an ideal career path. "Mooseburgers, anyone?"
2. Outward Bound Instructor: Ms. Palin's dedication to the wilderness and survival skills would make her an ideal Outward Bound instructor. Unfortunately, the closest program is in Mazama, Washington but that shouldn't be a problem.
3. Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant: Since 1963, Mary Kay Ash has been creating opportunities for women to become whatever they want to be. All that, plus discounts on eye shadow and a cool pink car!
4. Hunting and Fishing Reporter: Many of you might not know that Sarah Palin has a B.S. in Communications and a background in sports reporting. Coupled with her interest in guns, hunting, and fishing, she would be an ideal candidate as a reporter for Guns & Ammo or Game & Fish Magazines!
5. Abstinence Teacher: As an opponent of explicit sex education programs, Ms. Palin favors abstinence education with a passing mention to contraception. In her grading period, Ms. Palin could also teach the Creationism unit for the science class and coach the girls' basketball team!
Of course, she could always go back to being a Hockey Mom! You Betcha!
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