Things My Mother Taught Me

A few nights ago, I listened quietly as two friends spoke about how often they spent time with their mothers. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered my own mother who passed away in 2001. I have spent the past few days thinking about my mother and her influence. I may not be able to ask her for advice. We can't meet for lunch or an afternoon of shopping. We can no longer chat on the phone. I can't kiss her hello or goodbye, laugh or cry with her. Yet, she still lives within my heart and my soul. I am so fortunate she left us the gift of a set of Cd's she had recorded about her life. I am also left with memories of a wonderful relationship and the lessons she bequeathed me.

1. Always wear clean underwear (in case you are in an accident, God forbid.) As I revisit her advice, I have a strong visual of waiting to be dropped off by my nursery school carpool. My mother is standing on the curb while my baby brother napped inside the house. She is well coiffed in a sixties bubble cut, wearing mascara and a red and gold brocade sleeveless shell with matching capri's, probably a cute pair of flats. When we reminisce about my mother, someone always brings up her panache and effort to look put together. She was not one to leave the house in sweats, except when walking with her friends. Although I occasionally wear Lululemon yoga clothes to pick up my daughters from school, I try to follow suit. And I always wear clean underwear!

2. When you feel sorry for yourself, the best thing to do is help others. She often added, "Think of others who have it worse." It took me more than a few therapy sessions to release the guilt for negative emotions. Looking back, I am not sure my mother meant to avoid acknowledging feelings. Her focus was on helping others to add meaning to our lives. When my mother lost her father to congestive heart failure when he was 62, she decided to be trained as a hospice volunteer, in part to learn to deal with death. I admired her path to inner growth as well as her commitment to helping others. Volunteerism and philanthropy have always played a tremendous role in my life. I thank my parents as role models in their dedication to helping others.

3. Relationships cannot endure without chemistry and passion. Romantic relationships are difficult at best. My mom talked to me about how much she loved my father and she was able to look at his schtick and laugh because they had so much chemistry...the chemistry was the glue. I would extend this lesson to our close friendships. Think about your closest friends. Invariably, they are the people with the same level of passion for life and a shared chemistry, albeit in a non-sexual sense. We are attracted to some people, not so much to others. That magnetism is necessary for bonding.

4. Laughter is powerful. My mother never told me this. My childhood memories of Tuesday nights involve trying to get to sleep to the soundtrack of her bridge group's chortles, guffaws, and howling laughter. I used to wonder what was so funny. When I am with my father's side of the family, we spend a significant amount of time joking, doubled over in laughter. Ability to find humor in even the most trying of situations is a treasure. Laughter is the best medicine and a sense of humor is the most powerful tool of attraction!

5. Adversity is a gift. My mom was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer at the age of 55. She had just lost her mother to multiple myeloma, after nursing her for several months. Throughout her battle, she discussed with my aunt and the rest of us that she considered having cancer as a gift. It made her stronger and more confident. If she could face cancer head on, or any other dreaded disease, she could deal with anything. As I grew up, my mom often identified with being a worrier. She would consider calling the Wayne Police if I showed up half an hour late. She knew every alternative route, to avoid driving on the highway which was an anxiety-provoking experience for her. She refused to drive over bridges. Looking back, her resolve to avoid driving on Route 46 led her to different paths. She was strong and determined. She just didn't see it until the final years of her life.

Along with her recipe for brisket, the infamous Simon family apple pie, freckles, and dark hair, my mom imparted me with the values of beauty and passion, volunteerism and selflessness, laughter and courage.

I love you, Mommy!

Living in a Virtual World 'Cause I am a Virtual Girl

The internet has been one of history's most life-changing technologies, right up there with the invention of the telephone, radio, and television. E-mail, instant messaging, and Skype have changed the way we communicate with each other. The web has opened an unrivaled pathway to information, transforming the way students complete research projects. Of course, with the good comes the bad. Newspaper readership is at an all-low and many daily newspapers have folded or at the very least, have become a sparse collection of AP wire stories. People talk about the demise of the bookstore in favor of Kindle and other downloading technologies. While I quickly adapt to the changes, I am a strong proponent of the written word. I grew up browsing our World Book Encyclopedia and its annual updates. Many times, I would get lost in the library after school; my mother would contemplate filing a missing person's report. Alas, this was an era before cell phones and texting. I was the first to applaud the addition of Starbuck's to Barnes & Noble. A latte or even a drip while browsing the stacks of books? I think I do believe in heaven!

The internet has created a fourth virtual dimension. Initially, sites such as Classmates.com presented an online class reunion. We could Google and Zabasearch our way to find old boyfriends, girlfriends, classmates, roommates, and work colleagues. Of course, the reverse was also possible. We could no longer hide from the folks we may have decided to drop like a hot potato.

The advent of social networking sites such as Facebook has created a virtual community where we can reminisce with hometown chums, share ideas and conversation with a wide group of "friends." We no longer need to wait for annual holiday cards to post photos of our kids. We can even browse our elementary school class pictures or college era photos others may have posted. We find new friendships among people we may not have seen in 25 plus years.

Yet, the reunion aspect and comment-sharing applications of Facebook are just the tip of the iceberg. At a late night birthday dinner with a new friend, we discussed social networking. My friend profoundly noted when we reconnect with those from our past, we are looking for pieces of ourselves.

An intricate highway of experiences have led us to this stage of our lives. We would not be who we are today without the sum total of our past relationships. In order to move forward on life's journey, we need to stop at traffic lights along the way. As we come to an intersection, we must often make difficult choices. Reflecting on our youth, we may lament a time when the road was entirely ahead of us. We may become nostalgic for simpler times. Reminiscing with our childhood and high school friends provides comfort food for our souls. Our journeys may be far from complete. We will continue to come to forks in the road which will determine our futures. As the map unfolds, we write our own stories. Along the way, we may be surprised with relationships rekindled from earlier days. Finding a precious friend among those whose paths we may have crossed in the past is most extraordinary. People come in and out of our lives for a reason. We guide each other through difficult times and laugh through the good times. We nurture and inspire each other.

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” (William Shakespeare.)