BO Ban on Buses?

Body Odor. Public Transportation. These two elements go hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly. Fries and ketchup. Coffee and cream.

Today, the Honolulu City Council heard a bill in committee seeking to "regulate a number of dangerous and annoying behaviors on city buses" which includes B.O. Authored by Councilmen Rod Tam and Nestor Garcia, the bill would carry up to $500 in fines and a possible jail term of up to six months for these olfactory offenders. The ban would make illegal to have "odors that unreasonably disturb others or interfere with their use of the transit system," regardless if their source is clothes, personal belongings, animals, or presumably armpits.

Now, I have spent many hours on the subways of New York and New Jersey Transit, mid-summer. The malingering aroma of body odor mixed with whatever these folks ate for lunch is enough to turn your stomach. Throw in a couple of flatulent riders and nausea ensues. However, isn't the whole aroma thing part of the experience? Like Starbuck's without the wafting scent of roasted espresso beans or Ray's Original Pizza without the whiff of garlic?

Does anyone remember the Smelly Car episode of Seinfeld when Elaine discovers a parking valet's lingering b.o. in Jerry's BMW? One of the funniest moments of television!

I think I may have a better solution than throwing all these offenders in jail. (And imagine prison guards working with all that body odor around them? They will probably go on strike for unfair working conditions!) Why don't the bus drivers pass out little samples of Secret or Ban? Unscented, of course! Maybe the Renuzit people can invent some kind of bus sanitizer.... Or Public Transit Febreze?

I will be following the outcome of this story. And I am wondering what the other "dangerous and annoying" behaviors entail? What about burping loudly, passing wind, picking one's nose?

And we were worried about the Patriot Act!

Tango Argentino

By now, we are accustomed to politicians and sex scandals. Like hot dogs, apple pie, and firecrackers on the 4th of July, these liaisons have become part of the American landscape.

As I await the September issue of Vogue (long my favorite! All those fall clothes!), I read excerpts from an exclusive interview with Jenny Sanford, wife of South Carolina Gov. caught up in an illicit romance with Maria Belen Chapur of Argentina. Back in June, Mark Sanford went MIA for several days, on getaway with his South American mistress. Jenny Sanford was the epitome of cool and collected when responding to press inquiries at the time. She replied that she hadn't heard from her husband in several days, including Father's Day.

This magna cum laude Georgetown grad with a reported IQ of 170 left a successful career as VP of Lazard Freres and Co. for marriage and motherhood. Mrs. Sanford has been the backbone of her husband's political career. When her husband told her of his Congressional bid back in '94, she was in the hospital recovering from the birth of her second child. Apparently, she took this all in stride, running his campaign, in which she "oversaw staff, drafted speeches, set policy, and raised money," all the while baking oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for reporters and other visitors. Clearly, she is a woman who can do it all.

In fact, one of her friends has commented, “So often when a woman is business minded, they’re not good at being a cookie baking soccer mom, but that’s the thing about Jenny. You cannot stereotype her that way. She can be either one of those things and do it effortlessly.”

By now, Jenny may seem like a Stepford Wife, but that's politics.

According to Mrs. Sanford, she and her husband weren't exactly hot and heavy when they met.

“We weren’t madly in love, but we were compatible and good friends. I like to think we balance each other out. I’m a conservative at heart, but I’m not passionate like he is. I’m better at making the trains run on time ... At heart, I’m an old-fashioned woman. If the Lord blessed me with children and family, I knew that would be my calling.”

While Mark Sanford never had a rep for flirting at parties, apparently this changed when he met his paramour. He became quite a lothario, with his romantic e-mails. Buenos Aires is the land of the Tango. Maybe he was inspired?

In an e-mail to Maria, he gushes to his mistress,“Two, mutual feelings - You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details.”

Meanwhile, Mrs. Sanford continues her spin. Comparing Mark's relationship to an "addiction like pornography or alcohol" (aka The Devil Made Me Do It!), she underwent pastoral and marriage counseling when it became clear "he was just obsessed with going to see this woman." She admits being somewhat surprised that a man as upstanding as her husband would "do something like that." Boys will be boys.

Mrs. Sanford admits to googling the competition. " What woman wouldn't want to know what her husband's mistress looks like?" a friend of Jenny's asks in September's Vogue. "She's pretty," was her opinion. And furthermore, she can understand the appeal of a long distance lover. "Everybody would like to escape sometimes. I'd like someone 5,o00 miles away I could E-mail. It's not exclusive to men but it isn't realistic."

A good Christian, Mrs. Sanford feels sorry for the other woman. "I am sure she is a fine person. It can't be fun for her, though I do sometimes question her judgement...All I can do is pray for her because she made some poor choices."

To keep us up to date, Mrs. Sanford remains in the family beachfront home with her four sons while the Governor resides in the Governor's Mansion. She told Vogue, "I am not in charge of revenge. That's not up to me. That's for the Lord to decide and it's important for me to teach that to my boys....Now I think it's up to my husband to do the soul searching to see if he wants to stay married. The ball is in his court."

The lesson for political wives seems to be stand by your man, sprinkle your interviews with references to God, country, and family, and pray for the best. Who knows, you might even get a profile story in Vogue!

Politics, Sex, and Knives

Yesterday was a surreal day for American politics. An SNL skit with the actual players. Satire cannot get better than this.

By now, unless you inhabit the moss-coated underneath of a rock, you have heard about The Governator's weird knife-wielding Twitter video. "I vant to thank all you creative Califow-nian's for your vunderful ideas to solve our state's budget crisis." Why not take advantage of Governor Schwartzenegger's celebrity status? Autograph some official state vehicles and sell to the highest bidder? I have seen this work on "Jay Leno." The presence of the knife perplexed even his aides and spokespeople. (I have heard that men waving about large phallus-like objects usually means one thing. But that may be hearsay.) Today, Aaron McLear, the Governator's press secretary commented Schwartzeneggar received the cutlery as a gift yesterday and simply picked it up from his desk, as one would a pen. Gives new meaning to the term "cutting the budget," I suppose. As a resident of the Golden State who has seen our already bottom of the barrel school funding decimated by the body builder/actor, I am not all that surprised. The slash and burn fix with the pledge not to increase our taxes. Perhaps I should Twitter my idea to the Governor. Why not sell the now famous knife on E-Bay?

Before I go on to Veep Biden's interesting quote, I need to remind you of an earlier quote by the Governor. In a 2006 taped conversation with advisers, Schwartzenegger described Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia, at the time the only Latina Republican in the Legislature. "She's either Puerto Rican, or the same thing as Cuban, I mean they are all very hot. They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it." What is it about middle aged male politicians and sexist (and racist!) comments, cigars, and the like?

On to Russia or points nearby. I wonder if Sarah Palin could wave to Vice Pres. Biden and Viktor Yushchenko from her front porch. Since her last official day as Alaska Governor is fast approaching on July 26, she will have plenty of time on her hand to Twitter comments about Russian and Ukranian diplomacy!

Yesterday, Vice President Biden (on a State visit in Kiev to show support for the Ukraine's NATO bid) chatted up old pal Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko. Overheard in a bar, where apparently the two leaders were tossing Coke's. (Raised eyebrow!) Yushchenko commented on Ukrainian churches. A few moments later, in response, Biden was overheard complimenting Yushchenko on another of his country's comely resources. "I cannot believe that a Frenchman visiting Kiev went back home and told his colleagues he discovered something and didn't say he discovered the most beautiful women in the world. That's my observation,” Biden declared. "It's certain you have so many beautiful women." Do you think this means The Donald will invite Biden to judge his Miss Universe pageant?

Is SNL really on hiatus?