Boundaries?

AUGUST 31, 2009 5:49PM


We have all been guests at a home with white carpet. There may be a line of shoes by the door or even a basket filled with footwear. Maybe even a sign asking us to remove our shoes. I always thought this was a bit circumspect, maybe a little OCD, certainly not gracious. But, this exemplifies setting boundaries or limits. Maybe the carpet is new. Who wants mud from dirty soccer cleats or grease from the driveway tracked all over the new Berber?

In families, people who consistently disregard boundaries leave these dirty shoe tracks all over the place. By meddling, interfering, and expressing unwarranted opinions, they destroy feelings and relationships. These obtrusive, prying types are always snooping for information, while confident in their own personal virtue. They are masters at their game. As guests in your home, they are the ones sneaking through your medicine cabinet or reading your personal e-mails. They can't help themselves.

We live in a culture without locks on the doors. Everything is out there. In one Google search, yentas can find out how much you weigh, which political candidate you supported, where you live, how much you paid for your house, and how much you owe on it. These just feeds into the busybody culture. Lack of privacy is unsettling at best but when these folks decide to move in with you, in a metaphorical sense, relationships are destroyed.

After 9/11, we heard about chatter, when government officials heard talk of terrorist plans. In our personal lives, we can experience the same kind of behavior. The phone lines burn with people's opinions and spin on what really happens in someone else's home.

Overstepping family members have been a problem ever since the advent of marriage. Even Adam and Eve dealt with an overstepping authority figure who banished them from the Garden of Eden. However, new technologies and constant communication have moved these behaviors into an entirely different, more toxic category, with subsequent consequences.