Reine de Saba, Upside Down Style

The best way to execute French cooking is to get good and loaded and whack the hell out of a chicken. Bon appétit.” Julia Child

Inspired by a recent PBS donor drive special featuring old clips of Ms. Child pursuing her passion, I googled a recipe for Reine de Saba, a little chocolate almond cake from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Butter, separated eggs, semisweet chocolate, flour, ground almonds. Didn't seem that complicated. Except when I tried to purchase ground almonds in the bulk food section of a natural foods market. OK, I would need to break out the Cuisinart.

Breaking down the recipe in steps, I would need to melt the chocolate over a double boiler. Add a tablespoon of coffee or brandy. I went with the coffee. Whip egg whites till stiff with a dash of salt and tablespoon of sugar. I would need to transfer the egg whites to another bowl. Note to self: Must extra Mixmaster bowls if I am going to pursue this French cooking thing. Wash and dry Mixmaster bowl. Change to paddle attachment. Cream unsalted butter and sugar. Add egg yolks. Blend. Add in chocolate mixture. Sift pastry flour. Alternate between folding in egg whites and pastry flour. Add in some almond extract. Fold into buttered and floured round cake pan. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Cool.

Remove from oven. Looking good. In the meantime, I prepared the frosting by melting more semisweet chocolate and then whipping in six or so tablespoons of butter. Second note to self: Buy hand mixer. Julia says to whip chocolate/butter mixture over ice. Oh, well. Talk kids out of eating icing directly from bowl. Spread over cake and decorate with almonds. Impressive looking. At least until this morning, when I realize I forgot to remove the cake from the pan. Now, my cake is frosted upside down.

Gives new meaning to Upside Down Cake.

Ms. Child was one of a kind. She peppered her cooking shows with bon mots, including "Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it." She once commented, "The only time to eat diet food is when you are waiting for your steak to cook." When asked to name her favorite wine, she responded, "Gin."

Perhaps I should take my cue from Julia's playbook. If I had tossed a few Tanqueray & Tonics during my baking attempt, I might have remembered to remove cake from pan before icing. Or maybe not!

When I Grow Up, I Want to be a QVC Host!

I think I may have found the perfect career! Unfortunately, this would require relocation to West Chester, PA. No offense to the folks of West Chester but I am thinking this isn't exactly the cultural epicenter of the U.S. But what other job would indulge my fashion and beauty passions while allowing me to appear on television and chat with complete strangers about Easy Pay and the advantages of a Tourmaline Hair Drier!

Occasionally while channel surfing, I stop at QVC, mostly when makeup, beauty products, or exercise equipment is being sold. I have never missed FFANY, an annual footwear and handbag event to raise money for breast cancer research and support. The only purchases I have ever made are a few Maxx NY handbags and some Bare Escentuals makeup. I do have friends who have ordered interesting housecleaning equipment and Pilates machines. I don't think I have ever met anyone who has bought a Quacker Factory Christmas sweater but, then again, I live in L.A.

QVC, for the uninitiated, stands for Quality, Value, Convenience. Founded by Joseph Segal in 1986, the shopping network features such retailing concepts as Easy Pay (paying by monthly installments), Today's Special Value, and One Time Only Value. The whole limited time introductory price idea is quite compelling. And the competition to acquire the limited number of items before start of the next show...

At the risk of sounding elitist, QVC to me represents middle America. Lots of polyester blends and elastic waistbands. Mom jeans. Comfortable shoes. Wrap skirts by Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Not a lot of sex appeal. However, some top names in beauty and hair have changed this. Ken Paves, Frederik Fekkai, Bare Escentuals, Smashbox. Maybe nothing we can't find at Sephora but still. Sometimes when a girl can't sleep at 2 am, there's something compelling about being able to purchase an eyeshadow kit from a stranger.

I am rather curious about all those call-in's who feel compelled to share their retail experiences with the rather pleasant hosts. Are these people so lonely they need to tell others about the lovely detailing of their Christmas sweaters? According to the website, "At QVC, we like to go to the phones during our shows to hear what you have to say about our products. Because these phone calls are live and uncensored, QVC cannot substantiate and, therefore, cannot be held responsible for claims made by viewers." I once watched a prank call on U-Tube involving a tabletop doorbell and a guy who claimed to live in a "shoebox by the train tracks." I wonder why more college students or other drunk dial types don't follow suit.

It seems QVC has gotten involved in some labor snafus regarding 401 (K)'s and discriminatory hiring practices. This doesn't really surprise me. And the past few retail cycles have seen a downturn, due to the economy as well as the proliferation of online shopping.

However, QVC still hosts studio tours and special weekends, including a Girls Weekend where you and your BFF's can road trip to West Chester, stay in a local hotel, visit the local outlet mall, and even lunch with your favorite QVC host!
Anyone in?

The Test Dream

Last night, I had another of my recurring exam dreams. I am wandering a long hallway in what appears to be a high school. I feel panic as I attempt to remember where my classroom is located. I finally arrive at the room to find everyone seated, prepared to take a final for which I have not studied. In fact, I don't recall ever attending this class or receiving the syllabus. And when I look down, I have forgotten to put on my clothes!

Thanks to the Internet, I was able to peruse a few dream interpretation sites where I found this to be in the top ten list of common dreams. Several interpretations revolve around low self-esteem or feeling anxious about being tested or scrutinized. Analyzing my feelings, I believe my dreams have more to do with feeling ill-prepared.

As a card-carrying member of the Right Side of the Brain Club, I have a drawer filled with Bar Mitzvah invitations, appointment cards, and the like. I have tried Outlook, Palm Pilots, the calendar on my phone, a desk top calendar, all to no avail. I have rifled through my drawer in search of a Bar Mitzvah invitation, convinced that we forgot to attend. Thank God for those reminder calls from the orthodontist's receptionist! I am always in search of a dog groomer, waxing person, and colorist who can schedule a last minute appointment. My wallet can't possibly hold more of those little appointment cards stating a 24 hour cancellation policy.

Living in the suburbs, I have friends who are Alpha Moms. I admire their organizational skills. These moms coordinate schedules, appointments, classes on their Blackberry's, buy school supplies a few years in advance, have probably scheduled their kids' dental appointments for the next 10 years. I, on the other hand, can't recall ordering my school supply kit and will most likely be at Target, praying they still carry compasses and protractors.

Which is not to say I am unable to multitask. I chair more than a few fundraisers and charity events each year, usually simultaneously. My kids' birthday parties are unparalleled.

However, I have no idea where my car is parked. I usually have two containers of baking powder, a few boxes of brown sugar, and a bunch of Teriyaki sauce in my fridge because I just couldn't recall if I have any at home. Holiday time, my fridge is filled with pounds of butter because you never know when you might need to bake five dozen cookies!

Each year, my new year's resolutions include finding some kind of organizational system which would work for me. I am open to suggestions! Scratch that. I am desperate for suggestions!

The advent of all these technologically advanced options is enticing. However, what happens if they all crash? I used to have a Palm Pilot but would forget to sync before the battery ran out. Since I have all my phone numbers on my Blackberry, I became quite panic stricken when the desktop icon disappeared. Thankfully, my daughter showed me how to search for names. I don't even own a hard copy address book. In planning my daughter's bat mitzvah, I purchased this nifty Mitzvah software which has a spreadsheet for addresses. I am proud of myself for having input the information!

Passwords, numbers, log-in names, appointments, invitations, deadlines. There is just far too much to remember. No wonder I keep having those pesky exam dreams. Now if only I could remember where I put my shopping list!

Let's Go Shoe Shopping!

High heels have gotten a bad rap. In fact, the British Trade Union Congress has been drafting a ban in the workplace of heels over one-inch tall which they deem as "demeaning," sexist, and dangerous. I don't really get it. The labor organization is mostly male. I always thought men liked to see a girl in heels.

In fact, Isaac Mizrahi who may not be the most alpha of males has said, "All I want are high heels, high heels. If I was a girl, I'd wear a lot of high heels. High, stiletto heels."

Stilettos are like wine. One day, a glass of red wine is great for cardiac health. Just look the health of Mediterraneans. A few days later, moderate consumption of alcohol raises breast or prostate cancer risk. We can't win.

Despite all the hoopla how heels cause bodily harm, recent reports have addressed the benefits of Louboutin and company as well as some inherent problems with flats.

“Over the last three to four years we’ve had a significant increase in the number of problems caused be wearing flat shoes such as ballet pumps or flip-flops,” said Mike O’Neill, consultant podiatric surgeon and spokesman for the Society of Chiropodists and Podiatrists.

Donning flat shoes can cause wearers to shuffle which ruins posture. Feet roll forward which stretches ligaments and tendons, pulling toes out of alignment from feet, causing foot pain and ultimately unsightly bunions. The flat shoe shuffle can also force knees into an angle which can lead to inflammation, pain, and at times, at arthritic condition of the knees. When the feet roll in they pull the knees with them. Walking up hills or running in flats can cause inflammation along the shin and shin splints.

On the other hand, heels provide a plethora of benefits, all sexier than bunions and shin splints. High heels promote good posture, forcing a shift of balance as the heel hits the ground first. I have read that wearing heels lifts your bottom by 25% -- and ladies, who doesn't need that! Stilettos tone muscles and give legs a longer appearance. And get ready to break out the credit cards because an Italian urologist has found a fabulous health benefit to those Jimmy Choo's!

In a study to be published in European Urology, Dr Maria Cerruto cited her research promoting the pump. Higher heels may improve pelvic floor muscles, boosting your sex life.

Dr. Cerruto studied 66 heel wearing women under 50 and found that those who held their foot at a 15 degree angle to the ground, which translates to about a two inch heel, showed less electrical activity in their pelvic muscles, suggesting a strengthening and improvement in their ability to contract. Anyone who has been through pregnancy and childbirth can attest to importance of Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor. Who would have thought wearing high heels could give a similar benefit!

"Women often have difficulty in carrying out the right exercises for the pelvic zone and wearing heels could be the solution," said Dr. Cerruto. "Like many women, I like high-heeled shoes. It's good to know they have potential health benefits."

"We now hope to prove that wearing heels during daily activity may reduce the need for pelvic exercises," says Dr. Cerruto.

Infamous shoe designer Manolo Blahnik rejoiced in this news. "When you put on a high heel, it makes life more exciting," Blahnik claims.

"It's a way to appeal to the male species, to attract," he added, "and it works. I have men who tell me that heels have saved their marriage."

I will be signing off now to run to Nordstrom's to buy that stunning (and healthy!)pair of grey suede platform boots with the 3 1/2 inch heel!

To Tell The Truth, 2009

At various times since 1956, a game show called ""To Tell the Truth" featured panelists charged with guessing which of three guests was honest.

A significant part of my youth was spent in front of the television watching shows such as "Match Game," "What's My Line?," "Password," and other classic game shows. I am still a fan of the Game Show Network.

Ah, where have all the good game shows gone?

Well, the Michael Jackson events of the last few days have inspired me to produce "To Tell the Truth" updated for 2009! The pilot will feature a cast of eccentric characters, all claiming parentage of MJ's children!

"I am Blanket's mother!"

Billie Jean Jackson made this assertion in court. Six months ago, Ms. Jackson filed a $1 billion lawsuit against the Gloved One and asked for joint legal and physical custody of Blanket. She wants visitation rights Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 2 pm. Wonder what she is busy doing beforehand?

Our second contestant is Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise who claims DNA evidence will show she is the mother of Michael's children, as well as Connor Cruise, the son of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. She claims Michael happily handed over Connor because he didn't like the shade of his skin. Ms. Cruise claims former boyfriends fathered the Jackson's children and that "there is technology in existence" to transplant conceived children from her body into the body of surrogates who gave birth to them.

The third guest will be cast when someone else presumably enters the mix which could be any day now.

Blindfolded panelists will question the three women and decide which of three is the birth mother!

Next week's show will feature former child star Mark Lester and two other men claiming paternity.

If anyone likes my pitch, I am seeking representation!

Tie Me Up! Glue Me Down!

What do you get when you mix three or four scorned women, a philandering rake, a bunch of rope, and some Krazy Glue?

A rather interesting story making its way through the airwaves.

Last month, Therese Ziemann allegedly lured her boyfriend of three months, Donessa Davis, to a seedy motel room, perhaps the kind that rents by the hour. After tying him up with the promise of a sensual massage, she phoned her sister, Michelle Belliveau; Davis's other lover, Wendy Sewell; and Davis's estranged wife, Tracey Hood-Davis. One of these acquaintances whom Ziemann claims to have known for "two minutes" brought the Krazy Glue and things got messy!

Davis charges the cabal taunted him and then Krazy glued his manhood to his leg. The women dispute, claiming they attached his penis to his stomach. I find myself curious about the distinction. Men have been known to exaggerate the size of a certain organ. It seems Davis wants to downplay that feature. Whatever.

With piqued curiosity, I watched a cool and collected Meredith Vieira interview Ziemann who denies being the ringleader of this plan. In fact, Therese (I feel like we can be on a first name basis since I know so much about her sex life) denies even the existence of a plot. Reminds me of one of the reality shows where everyone "coincidentally" shows up at the same party.

Therese confided in Meredith Vieira that "we had a conversation on the phone and all the three girls have their own interests in this. I can only speak for myself and mine has nothing to do with being a scorned woman, nothing." "Tying up Davis was personal between him and me."

In fact, she goes so far as to assert that "nothing was done against his will."

Now, as a fan of Pedro Almodóvar, I have seen "Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!" and get the bondage thing. However, I have yet to hear of a man who was turned on by having his penis permanently glued to another body part. Especially a guy like Davis who has a reputation for "keeping busy" with a plethora of sex partners.

Ziemann and Davis met via Craigslist, the paradigm of dating websites, I am sure. “I’m embarrassed — embarrassed might not even be the word — but I fell in love with him, and I’m ashamed of that, because it was just an actor I fell in love with. It’s not who he is."

So what is the lesson for today?

Girls, Craigslist is like the 99 Cent Store of "dating" websites. At least aspire to E-Harmony or Match.com!

And guys, if you agree to meet a woman in a motel room, make sure that is massage oil and not Krazy Glue!

Blogging as a Life Choice

This afternoon, one of my daughters and I sneaked out to see "Julie and Julia," an homage to Julia Childs and Julie Powell. Nora Ephron did a fabulous job blending the parallel stories of two foodies who shared their passion with their audience. I spent many hours of my childhood glued to PBS, watching Julia chop, dice, and snort her way through French cuisine. Not to brag, but I even did a pretty wicked imitation of Ms. Childs chopping onions! I have prepared the bouef bourgignon, mousse au chocolat, and other favorites. I even had to chance to see Ms. Childs at a book signing years later. And I share her love for butter!

Aside from brilliant, witty performances by Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci, and Amy Adams, what spoke most to me was the exhilaration Julie Powell felt when her blog was acknowledged and read by strangers. I imagine Ms. Childs felt the same when receiving compliments for Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

Writing is a solitary art. We spend hours alone at the computer or earlier, the typewriter. It may be every writer's dream to end up on the New York Times bestseller list or, in L.A., sell our screenplay. But at the end of the day, writing is one of our life functions, like breathing and eating. We are constantly observing, listening, watching. We seek humor or depth all around us.

As a teenager, I wrote a series of articles about a six week tour of Israel for a New Jersey daily newspaper, my first paid writing experience. I remember relishing the idea of others reading my work even more than the checks. My gig led to a speaking engagement to a senior group, many of whom had followed my articles. Very exciting for a 16 year old!

Blogging is basically blends personal expression with the drive to acquire an audience, whether they be "followers" or those who identify you as "favorite." What a thrill when the first reader who is not genetically related to us comments on one of our posts! We are being heard!

In Julie and Julia, Amy Adams character references this thrill several times. As a blogger and writer, I can relate to this phenomenal experience. Julie Powell lived the dream. Editors, publishers, Food Network execs, lit agents noticed her and she got a book deal and a movie! But even listing as an Editor's Choice is a personal accomplishment!

In essence, writing is very much like cooking. When we prepare the perfect Hollandaise, reine de saba (chocolate almond cake) or boeuf bourgignon, we generally do not cook for one. When Stanley Tucci's Paul Childs closed his eyes in appreciation for one of his wife's incomparable meals, Julia was in heaven.

So, as I leave you to contemplate fileting a duck or preparing live lobster (OK, maybe seared scallops over a bed of arugula), I am inspired by these two women who turned their passion for words and food into a cottage industry. And in Julia Childs' case, left a profound butter coated handprint on the way we experience food.

Bon Appetit!