OMG! I Am Going to be a Mom!

"Like, I have been throwing up for like two mornings now..." Pan to bathroom vanity covered with home pregnancy tests....Wow! They are so cute and purple! "I can't hide this from Khloe much longer but it is just so hard for me to say I am pregnant." "OMG, I am going to be a mom." "I think I'll pose nude while pregnant. I don't know. I'll have to think about it." "I like when you can see it, I like run around at home naked all day."

Kourtney Kardashian is like a fountain of knowledge about like the whole pregnancy thing...

Now, I have absolutely no gripe with the Kardashian/Jenner crew. I have shopped in Smooch and Dash, seen Bruce at my local Starbuck's, and even have some mutual friends. And I have heard reality tv editors confess to utilizing editing and scripts to spin the story. There's no such thing as bad publicity, yada yada yada. An eternal optimist who sees the good in virtually everyone, I am hoping these quotes are taken out of context. I mean, Kourtney like graduated from the like University of Arizona...

Last week's episode, "All Men Are Dogs," showed a nauseated Kourtney of late period on a road trip through the Everglades with sister Khloe in their Porsche Cayenne. Derailed and saved by a few Floridian guys who reminded me of the 70s film "Deliverance," they spent the night in a bug infested cabin without like cell service. Bummer. (What happened to the camera crew?) Jumbled shots of barf in the toilet and retching noises throughout. Gross!

According to Kourtney, she like forgot to take her pill. No worries. The pregnancy has like "improved her relationship" with boyfriend Scott. Good to know. In this week's US, Scott gushes on his favorite qualities of his baby mama. "I think she's gorgeous. Her body is perfect." Yikes.

I am guessing the sister on sister competition is also a publicity stunt? Kim Kardashian told E!, "She's huge. She is huuuuge! I think she's in denial of buying maternity clothes, because she just borrows Khloe's clothes." "Khloe is going to kill me for saying that, but it's really because Khloé is so much taller. Kourtney will take Khloé's top and wear it as a dress...She will not buy maternity clothes. I don't know what's wrong with her." Wow.

Kim also told a website, "She just only craves healthy food . . . I gotta get pregnant." Double wow.

You know, I have like only the best wishes for like Kourtney and Scott. Really. In fact, I may even go into Smooch, Kourney and Kris's children store, to buy a gift! Like, totally!