OMG! I Am Going to be a Mom!

"Like, I have been throwing up for like two mornings now..." Pan to bathroom vanity covered with home pregnancy tests....Wow! They are so cute and purple! "I can't hide this from Khloe much longer but it is just so hard for me to say I am pregnant." "OMG, I am going to be a mom." "I think I'll pose nude while pregnant. I don't know. I'll have to think about it." "I like when you can see it, I like run around at home naked all day."

Kourtney Kardashian is like a fountain of knowledge about like the whole pregnancy thing...

Now, I have absolutely no gripe with the Kardashian/Jenner crew. I have shopped in Smooch and Dash, seen Bruce at my local Starbuck's, and even have some mutual friends. And I have heard reality tv editors confess to utilizing editing and scripts to spin the story. There's no such thing as bad publicity, yada yada yada. An eternal optimist who sees the good in virtually everyone, I am hoping these quotes are taken out of context. I mean, Kourtney like graduated from the like University of Arizona...

Last week's episode, "All Men Are Dogs," showed a nauseated Kourtney of late period on a road trip through the Everglades with sister Khloe in their Porsche Cayenne. Derailed and saved by a few Floridian guys who reminded me of the 70s film "Deliverance," they spent the night in a bug infested cabin without like cell service. Bummer. (What happened to the camera crew?) Jumbled shots of barf in the toilet and retching noises throughout. Gross!

According to Kourtney, she like forgot to take her pill. No worries. The pregnancy has like "improved her relationship" with boyfriend Scott. Good to know. In this week's US, Scott gushes on his favorite qualities of his baby mama. "I think she's gorgeous. Her body is perfect." Yikes.

I am guessing the sister on sister competition is also a publicity stunt? Kim Kardashian told E!, "She's huge. She is huuuuge! I think she's in denial of buying maternity clothes, because she just borrows Khloe's clothes." "Khloe is going to kill me for saying that, but it's really because Khloé is so much taller. Kourtney will take Khloé's top and wear it as a dress...She will not buy maternity clothes. I don't know what's wrong with her." Wow.

Kim also told a website, "She just only craves healthy food . . . I gotta get pregnant." Double wow.

You know, I have like only the best wishes for like Kourtney and Scott. Really. In fact, I may even go into Smooch, Kourney and Kris's children store, to buy a gift! Like, totally!

More, More....

Ah, the pleasures of summer. Blueberries, corn on the cob, that juicy peach. And bad reality television which constantly reinvents itself. (Of course, some credit must be given to the creators of reality tv.)

Mike Fleiss, creator of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, has given us a new dating competition show. According to the Fox-TV website, More to Love follows "one regular guy's search for love among a group of real women determined to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes." Well, bachelor Luke Conley is a 6'3" and over 300 pounds. Casting calls for these "voluptuous" and "full figured" ladies were held at national Lane Bryant plus sized boutiques. But, the point is well-taken.

I watched the premiere with some hesitation, especially when I read each girl's weight would be printed below their names. Yikes! I wondered if this was their "driver's license" weight or whether they stepped on a scale off camera. Really. Do they display the IQ's of the model/actress types as they emerge from the limo on The Bachelor? Okay, that was mean. But, why the constant focus on how much these folks weigh? Luke is described as a "former college football offensive lineman..." Is that code word for "What's your excuse?"

More than a handful of these curvy women cried about their lack of dates. I have watched enough reality shows and know enough single women to know this is a common complaint. However, some of these women have never even been on a first date, let alone made it to "round two." I wonder, in real life, if their desperation and lack of self esteem were more of a turn off than their appearance. The fairly constant stream of tears and "pity party" atmosphere at first engendered empathy. However, this could quickly turn the corner to annoying, especially peppered with discernible self-deprecation, as when Danielle referenced looking like a "beached whale" after jumping into the pool in her evening gown.

In lieu of the rose ceremony, these women are asked if they would "do the honour" of wearing Luke's "promise" ring. When he sends five girls packing at episode end, they are asked to return the ring. Pretty harsh. And all that talk about the "Luke" sandwich. Gag! Luke reminds me of nursery rhyme's Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. In a smarmy pick up line approach, Luke asked one girl, Malissa, how to say "kiss" in Spanish. When she responded, he said, "Why don't you show me?" Pretty creepy but she complied. He asked for another "beso" after telling her about the elimination round. Is that a threat of a promise? She ended up in the final 15.

As I watched the women competing and hoping for a chance to make it to the next episode, I thought about junior high P.E. class. Remember the nonathletic kids who were left praying someone would pick them for the kickball team? I am sure some of these girls are athletic. There is even a personal trainer in the bunch. But, the whole scenario of seemingly desperate, needy women pining for a real estate developer from Santa Maria is a hard pill to swallow.

I think I will stick with "NYC Prep!"