As I ponder the role of soulmates in our lives, romantic and platonic, I am drawn to examine the opposite. Are there people in our lives who exist to take us down, to place obstacles in our path, emotional and otherwise? Philosophies about adversity as a prerequisite to growth are rather abundant. Should we choose to adopt this idea, must our lives be a rollercoaster, alternating between peaks and valleys? One day, we are on top of the world, confident in the power of our dreams and our talents. The next, a simple look of disgust or a negative comment can deflate our best laid plans.
As we appreciate the role of soulmates in lighting our path, we must also acknowledge the function of those who turn out the light. We may love these people. They may be close family members, bosses, supervisors, teachers, or colleagues. We may love them for their other fine qualities. But, these people are heelmates, probably callused at best. Their job is not to nurture you. They don't typically think highly of your dreams or goals unless it is part of their master plan. These people are usually glass half-empty and they may find discomfort in your glass half-full approach to life. Perhaps they feel threatened. I am not a therapist nor have I ever played on TV so I will not attempt to psychoanalyze them. I just know they exist to place some rocks in our paths or even closing down the street so we need to take an alternative route.
A Sig Alert is defined by the California Highway Patrol as "any traffic incident that will tie up two or more lanes of a freeway for two or more hours..." If only we had Sig Alerts to warn us of heelmates. Unfortunately, the only gauge we have is our past experience.
Once we are aware, what can we do to minimize the effect of the critical naysayers? We need to surround ourselves with an abundance of soulmates, those who encourage the best in ourselves. We need to listen to the positive people in our lives as well as develop a strong inner voice to drown out the negatives. Occasionally, we may need to take a detour on our life's path to overcome these roadblocks or Sig Alerts. But when we do reach our goals, the realization will be ever more sweet.
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